After talking at length about red flags and all of these Signs that your relationship is or will be complicated and that it is better to fleeLet’s talk about the reassuring signs to spot to see if your relationship is healthy and off to a good start.
Why do you take me for granted?
No matter what type of relationship it is, whether it’s romantic or friendly, it’s totally normal for it to go through different stages. We usually start with the stage of seduction, where we get to know and discover each other, which comes before or often combined with the honeymoon stage, where we have the impression that we like everything in each other: we value their qualities, we focus mainly on the positive and the common points In between, and everything looks great to us.
It is also a stage in which we tend to idealize the other, because we see them with the eyes of love and benevolence and are almost in adoration in front of such a beautiful person that we feel so lucky to have met.
Unfortunately, sooner or later the honeymoon phase ends, and this is where the relationship takes a completely different turn. We prefer the other less (or even more at all), we see him for what he is, and once we know him well, we are fully aware of his faults and what makes us separate, not just his qualities and any some common points we can share with him.
It is not always easy to live through this phase of a relationship, and it is followed by either realizing that the relationship in the end is not as satisfying as we thought (and in this case can end in a breakup), or moving away from one or the other. .
Ce ne sont heureusement pas les deux seuls cas possibles, puisqu’il existe une troisième alternative où le couple sort de la phase de lune de miel pour rentrer ensemble dans une nouvelle phase d’échange qui permet d’appréhender le quot quotidien le quotidien collusion.
Signs that he doesn’t take me for granted and that he’s still invested in the couple
Obviously, this is only possible if the other person still wants to invest in the relationship and does not take us for granted, that is, he is willing to put in more effort to reach out to the other, maintain the relationship and take good care of him on a daily basis. You’ll know your partner doesn’t take you for granted and is always ready to invest in both of you if:
1. Your opinion is respected
This is often the first sign to notice if someone is taking us for granted: Do you make important decisions together or do they decide for themselves without asking your opinion? Do you sometimes get the impression that he is presenting you with a fait accompli or that he is making his decisions without really listening to you?
If the answer is yes, then he clearly takes you for granted and probably never asks himself what you really think. Conversely, if he asks you questions because he’s interested in you and really wants to know what you think, even if you don’t agree, then he appreciates what you’re saying and is ready to side with you even if he doesn’t. It suits him especially well without tarnishing your reputation, he values you and takes into account your requests, needs and favor.
2. He respects your presence
A person who takes you for granted will quickly assume that you are at their disposal and will act accordingly. For example, he will tend to impose the days and times of appointments, or to warn you at the last minute, and will not particularly strive to adjust to your schedule.
A person who does not take you for granted, on the contrary, must realize that you have a life that does not just turn out of his life and that you have many other things to do than just keep your mouth open and wait for it without moving. You will get to know her by her attitude, because she will offer you dates several days in advance, she will want to plan and organize your outings together and will ask you what you think without being offended if you are not available.
3. It does not establish a balance of power
When we take the other for granted, we assume that things will happen as we decide, and that the other will say yes to us. Since we focus so much on ourselves than on the other or the couple and decisions together, we don’t consider that it could be otherwise or that it wouldn’t suit our partner.
Naturally, an unbalanced balance of power is created and we, consciously or unconsciously, take more weight in decisions, because we feel we have the right to do so. Sometimes this starts with good intentions, because the person thinks they suit everyone well, but this is often the result of a lack of investment in the relationship and A real lack of empathy (we talk next about dark empathywhich is more superficial).
Someone who doesn’t take you for granted will have the opposite approach, because every exchange will be based on sincere empathy and a search for a balance between the two. His goal would not be to impose things and his way of seeing, but to build together, compromise, ask questions and put himself in the other’s shoes.
So you’ll know pretty quickly that he doesn’t take you for granted if he simply doesn’t allow the balance of power to compromise between the two of you, if he’s always asking you for your opinion and above all, and most importantly, if he’s sure you feel comfortable and free enough to answer him freely. It’s really straightforward, but it’s worth remembering: asking questions is fine, but you still have to be prepared to listen to the answers, or to create an atmosphere of trust conducive to reciprocity.
4. He is looking for ways to please you.
Many declare loudly and clearly that to keep or revive the flame within the spouses, it is absolutely necessary to continue to surprise each other. However, this definition is not an absolute truth, for the simple and good reason which is:
1. We may like to be surprised, but that does not mean we will appreciate a poorly selected or poorly delivered surprise (such a surprise may have the opposite effect)
2. Some people hate surprises that make them so insecure, and rather appreciate the lack of attention, the moments of complicity, and all the opportunities to meet and connect with each other
So beware of the “rule” which in the end is not one at all, because as usual in love, everything depends on your partner! What is important is not to try to surprise another by being someone else, by forcing yourself (or them) to do things you don’t want to do or doing things that make us terribly uncomfortable under the pretense of necessity. That we “have” to surprise ourselves (it will only lead to quite superficial exchanges and come close to upsetting).
The most important thing is to continue to look for ways to please the other to allow him to feel good in the relationship, to nurture the bond that unites us and to develop and maintain the complicity we share. This has absolutely nothing to do with buying an expensive gift once a year or giving a bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day “because it is necessary and the other person is waiting for it”, but it has everything to do with the will to make efforts to preserve it with your complicity as a couple.
This depends above all on a little daily attention, a little sweet word, a good homemade little dish prepared with love, or the simple fact of making yourself available to share a pleasant moment together.
If the other never makes an effort to come to you, never has kind words for you, never compliments you, never pays attention to what you’re doing, never does anything that goes with your senses or shares a moment of complicity with you, then he most likely takes you for granted. And he waits for everyday life to unfold, day in and day out, without doing anything in particular.
If, on the contrary, you see that he is looking for ways to reach you, tries to make you smile, makes daily efforts, does not pay much attention to you and simply thinks about you, then you win: this means that he does not. We don’t take you for granted and are still invested in your relationship.
If you don’t find yourself in these four signs and feel that the relationship is going in circles, never doubt: No, you didn’t suddenly become undeserved, you are no less valuable. And you have every right and legitimacy to feel sad or neglected. In this case, talk about it with your partner without delay: explain that you would like to share more together, and give specific examples of what makes you two feel good together.
Understand that you deserve to be respected and feel respected, and that you always have a choice: nothing forces you to stay in a relationship that isn’t right for you.
Going forward, feel free to take a look at these 13 Signs That Your Relationship Is Complicated Or Will Be Complicated And It’s Better To Flee : If you find there are other answers to the questions you ask yourself.
♥ 8 signs it’s time to break up
♥ 5 sure signs that your relationship is really over
♥ 3 really bad reasons to get back together with your ex