“Why are you waiting for the wedding speech to finally tell your child all the good things we think, the talents he has, and the joy he represents for us?”, was surprised Father Pierre-Herve Grosjean in our columns last year (see Number 2252, pp. 24-25). That’s right, our kids have incredible talents and we’re often hesitant to tell them. Perhaps because we tend to see their flaws more easily than their qualities. Perhaps also because we are afraid of making them proud beings and because we consider it necessary to emphasize their faults in order to fight them. Bad account, responds to psychologist Valerie Colin Simard. “Contrary to what we think, our children are very obedient. They make clay. Our looks, our words will sculpt them. If these are negative, they will see themselves as negative. If they are positive, they will gain self-confidence.” The expert refers to an experiment conducted several years ago in a class: dupes were presented to teachers as excellent students. Within a few weeks, with the charitable outlook of their teachers, their school results had improved!
What do young people want?
“Young people in particular want their abilities and talents To be “created and discovered”. […] “I need you!” , “you can do that!” ; How useful is this request! »
Benedict XVI on the occasion of the Volunteer World meeting September 9, 2007.
“Our children focus talent”
“Our children are created in the image of God, and they are above all a center of talents. To make clear their flaws and problems, to make them doubt their worth, is to deny God’s plan for them.”feel free to stress Bertrand Chevalier Chantepe, founder of “Au coeur des hommes” and author offulfill his life as a man. Give birth, live and be blessed (Artig). He also believes that not discussing their qualities with them is worse than pointing out their mistakes or speaking bad words. “You can always part with a curse, in the sense of bad speech, while silence gives way to doubt, which is the enemy of self-confidence.”
“The task of any teacher is to ensure that the child builds up his self-esteem, otherwise he may adopt risky behaviour”Salesian Father Jean-Marie Petticlerc, co-author of Develop the talents of our children (Mami). For this specialized teacher, a child will only give his best if faced “talent scouts” Which will help him discover its qualities and achieve its fruits. That is why Father Grosjean regrets so many belated compliments. Many young people lack self-confidence because they have not received enough encouragement. They have not heard enough from their parents, from their priests, from their teachers, those words of encouragement that empower you, that elevate you, and that make you grow. It’s before [le mariage] That a young man needs to hear all the good things his parents are thinking of him! Do not make him in vain, but encourage him and ask him: “What are you going to do with these gifts?” »justify.
The Supernatural Power of “Blessing Words”
Among those talent scouts, parents are on the front lines. “It’s their jobconfirms Bertrand Chevalier Chantepe, One can, of course, gain self-confidence from others, but the parents’ viewpoint is irreplaceable, especially the father’s. Because, unlike the mother who is assimilated and represents unconditional love, the father is external to the child and appears to him more as an objective figure. This gives his words tremendous power. » Therefore, it is up to us, parents, to tell our children about their qualities. Bertrand Chevalier Chantepe talks about him Blessed wordslatin we will And Desirspeak well. They have extraordinary strength, a “A wonderful kiss with a double effect”He says: To increase self-confidence and strengthen the aforementioned characteristic. “Praise is the performance. By pronouncing it, we make it speak and fix it in the heart of the child who needs to hear it root. In other words, the child can notice that he is a good footballer, but if his father tells him about it, he will be convinced of it and his performance will increase tenfold, and if he encourages him his father during the match, it is a safe bet that he will get better results.”he explains.
Park at all times
What if in addition to blessing (from the Latin congratsliterally “to say good things”) our children, bless our loved ones, friends or enemies, the times we are living, good or bad? “Blessing changes everything in its path, as Virginie of Toulouse promised in her last book. She is the creator of new life. It transforms relationships, it turns hearts on itself. It also transforms deeply the one who utters it.” A true nugget that combines spiritual meditations with concrete advice. Which calls for a revolution of hearts.
Change your life, become a blessing!By Virginie Toulouse, Mami, 96 pages, €12.90.
How are roles distributed in the couple? Is it up to mom “bless” His daughter and son bless his son? When should this be done? “Everyone should do this all the time!”Bertrand Chevalier Chantepe slice. No doubt the mother will find it easier to say things, but the father should not rely on them, and he should also utter the words of blessing. For psychologist Valerie Colin Simard, “The child needs both parents. In general, the mother helps him to build self-esteem, that is, his being, and within him, and the father’s confidence in himself, that is, the ability to achieve goals. Things in the world. But we can say, without generalizing, that he will need his mother’s view more when he is young, then his father’s look when he was in his teens.. However, she points out, the father should be especially concerned about the appreciation of his daughter, and especially to tell her, in addition to her talents, that she is beautiful and intelligent.
It remains to know how to accurately determine the talents of your child. Father Petit Clerc advises a re-reading of his activities, whether athletic, artistic or otherwise, to discern the revealing of his talents. It also invites parents to compare their view of their child with that of the teacher, educator, and scout leader, because the child often reveals himself differently outside the family circle. Very useful when he answers in disbelief: “You’re obviously saying that because I’m your son…” To avoid making him proud, Father Petit Clerc continues: “You have to help him discover the happiness that is in putting his talents at the service of others.” It is also an opportunity to teach him to pay attention to the talents of others and be happy with them..