How do you recognize a toxic relationship and get rid of it? The therapist gives us her advice

psychological and sexual

We help you identify the signs of a toxic relationship.

Being happy in your spouse isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes the relationship between two people who love each other becomes toxic. Then an imbalance occurs within the couple. One seems to be extending its grip on the other and this can lead to daily suffering. The so-called submissive person conforms to the expectations of the dominant, even if it means leaving it aside. Resolving relational difficulties through exchange and dialogue appears to have been settled and this situation can stabilize over time.

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However, a toxic relationship is not necessarily doomed. Anne-Françoise Meulemans, psychotherapist and coordinator of the E-Mergence platform, gives us her best tips for spotting the signs of such a failing relationship and how to get out of this ordeal, as a person or as a couple.

When does a relationship become toxic?

“Actually, it is a fairly new concept. I think that to describe what is called a toxic relationship we must define a healthy relationship, whether in love, family or friendship. We talk about a healthy relationship when it contributes to the development of each person, to the independence of each person with the concept of trust and empathy The foundations of a mutually considerate human relationship This relationship must be mutually beneficial and balanced, and should not exhaust us but on the contrary regenerate us. We feel that there is no judgment with the other and that we can let go of our guard. We accept and fulfill. From the moment that is no longer In which all these norms are learned, we can then say that the relationship has become toxic. When you become the only person to worry about the other, you can really start to worry…”

Can a healthy relationship become toxic and vice versa?

“Sure, the relationship eventually becomes toxic depending on the personality of the two people in it. We can well imagine that some personalities are incompatible. For example, a relationship between a person of a somewhat submissive nature with a so-called dominant person may become toxic very quickly. There is a balance and the dominant person can really subdue and manipulate the other.On the other hand, if the dominant person begins a relationship with someone who is more or less the same temperament, then the balance is likely to form and there will be some form of synchronicity over time.I think joint construction is key. For the majority of couples that last.Once the blue period is over, it is the resolution of the problems of one and the other through disputes, exchanges and discussions that makes it possible to move forward.Conversely, a healthy relationship can become toxic through life accidents, such as exhaustion or depression.When If one person is bad, it directly affects the other and this can upset the balance of the relationship. If we fail to bring it back, the relationship can become toxic.”

Do people who are ultimately similar to them stand a better chance of having a healthy relationship?

Yes and No. It is true that shared interests and cultures can likely foster a satisfying relationship, but I also believe that there are many personalities that can be compatible. It is true that some dysfunctional people, for example, will be more likely to create Toxic relationships with others. But it is enough that these people, who also have their share of qualities, fall to someone who manages to balance their dysfunctions. We can then imagine that they manage to establish healthy relationships with other people.”

So a toxic relationship can be healthy again and not doomed to failure?

“Sure, either the two people who make up the couple realize this austerity and try to talk about it and solve the problem. Either things go wrong and this awareness is not common, so we can’t solve the problem. One or even both of them may feel very bad and decide to leave. On the other hand, sometimes it happens That some people, in very bad condition, get stuck in this relationship and unable to move. There is then the problem of emotional dependence, we need each other even if we are not okay. Therefore, the issues are beyond our limits. You have to ask yourself questions And you understand without judgment why I got stuck in this relationship Or else we wouldn’t be able to move forward somehow. In these cases, I think outward appearance really matters, with a therapist or caring friends to allow awareness. The person can then try to rebuild themselves Individually, to get better with himself first, because the first person you have to save is yourself. On the basis of this rebuilding, there is a possibility to rebuild the spouses as well. If one heals, it will affect the other positively. But beware, if the spouses are worse off with their improvement as an individual , the foundations of the relationship pour h questionable. We probably won’t want to save this union anymore, every situation is unique. But yes, we can totally imagine a toxic relationship becoming healthy again based on individual action or even better teamwork. »

Can we get out of such a relationship?

It is about highlighting our mistakes, our weaknesses and finally what we have to learn about ourselves. Even in our behavior we can be toxic to another without even realizing it. Finally, a toxic relationship says a lot about us too. It can be especially due to the influence of The mirror, if there are family imbalances in one or the other, there is also a risk of their reproduction in the spouses. »

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