Electra or Oedipus complex in girls: how do you manage this crisis?

While psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud theorized, in the early 20th century, the Oedipus complex to designate a young boy with amorous and/or sexual behavior towards his mother, his pupil was then his opponent, Carl Gustav Jung, who formulated Electra complex, i.e. when a young girl exhibits romantic and/or sexual behavior towards her father.

Since then, these two foundations of psychoanalysis have been questioning and harshly criticizing But they could give the keys to certain reading of the actions of children of 2-6 years old, and above all they made it possible not to deny the existence of children’s sexual desire.

Dad, dad, dad… Lucy, 4, only cares about her dad. For the past few months, she’s been showing great indifference to her mother and Only her father finds grace in her eyes. With him, she does many things: winks, flirtatious smiles … She copes with food only if he is the one who rides her on the table and ties her napkin. She said loud and clear: you will marry him. For her part, Lis’s mother, 6, is concerned about hearing her ask: “ Dad, do you love me more than mom? “. But what’s wrong with them? Nothing but very vulgar: they went through the period of the Oedipus complex, or rather the Electra of girls.

Named in reference to the character of Greek mythology who killed his mother and her lover, and who is responsible for the murder of his father who was dearest to him, this concept defines the period during which the child passes Unconditional love for parents of the opposite sex and feelings of jealousy towards a parent of the same sex.

Defining the inverted Oedipus complex

Another form of rejection of one parent in favor of the other, the inverted Oedipus complex relates to situations in which a child expresses amorous and/or sexual behavior towards Same-sex parent. So it can be from a little girl to her mother or from a little boy to his father.

Meaning: Why do girls prefer the father and reject their mother?

No need to dramatize, even if this crisis is very difficult to manage. However, the Electra complex A completely normal stage of development and psychological behaviour. “ At the beginning of her life, the girl had a close relationship with her mother. But little by little, she will open up to the world and will understand that it exists, like her father, Another gender you’ll be genuinely curious about ‘,” explains psychologist Michelle Joubert, author of her father’s daughter.

To better understand this period, The father must reconfirm and reframe the relationship which he has with his daughter, advises Alain Braconnier, psychiatrist and psychologist at Center Philippe Baumeel, in Paris: “ In general, the father is satisfied with his position at the front of the stage. As for if he does not set boundaries, then his granddaughter may believe that his desires are achievable, and continues attempts to seduce. So the psychiatrist insists on the fact that it is up to the parent to put the child in his place and establish the existence of the spouses outside of her.

However, you need to do it tactfully so as not to harm her, Do not break the father-daughter relationship. A hard-to-find balance. ” By rejecting her too hard, you risk making her unhappy and preventing her, in adulthood, from getting close to the masculine. ‘ continues the psychiatrist.

Can we really say that a child is in love?

Young children can definitely feel very strong emotions and say they are in love. But children above all in A form of identification with their parents He seeks to imitate the social model most prevalent around him, which is often the model of the couple. In this desire to assimilate, in particular, he chooses a friend who he or she will know as his lover or mistress from kindergarten.

This can not be compared to figures and represents the couple in the period of adolescence and adulthood, and most of the children play and pretend.

3 years and 6 years … At what age does the Electra complex appear in the little girl?

From the age of 3, the girl confirms her gender identity. His role model is his mother. The child is so similar to her that he wants to take her placeAnd, therefore, to seduce his father. Then she sees her mother as a rival and tries to push her away, sometimes violently. However, at the same time, she still loves him very much and feels guilty for his aggressive feelings.

Most kids go through this stormy phase Between 3 and 6 years old. From the duality of their feelings there is born trouble, confusion, which we, the parents, with our firm and understanding attitude, must clear.

What are the repercussions of this crisis on the future of the relationship between mother and daughter?

Our daughter royally ignoring us? Difficult to accept for a mother! ” During the Electra complex, the mother inevitably feels left out Statements by Alan Braconnier. Indisputably erased, the latter recommends: The child needs to develop harmoniouslyIt develops in a three-way relationship To restore balance to the relationship, we are thinking of giving us special moments between mother and daughter. This will help our little chip Get to know us in other regions.

We also remember that our little “adversary” is nothing but a child, our child, who loves us and relies on us to guide her. So we avoid getting into an argument and kindly remind him that his father does not belong to him. We continue to have love…and patience. Instead of making fun of her or making fun of her, We reassure her, while remaining firm. We can say, for example: I too, when I was your age, dreamed of marrying my father. But that is not possible. When you became an adult, you met your dad, we fell in love and that’s how you were born. »

Finally, Michel Joubert specifies that in the event of parents’ separation, it is necessary to avoid that only the father or mother who has custody of the child should live at all costs. ” The danger, then, is to make a “little couple” with him. It’s good to be a little boy or a little girl They are in regular contact with a third party – A friend, uncle or aunt – to break the fusion relationship. Otherwise, it risks creating a lack of autonomy on both sides. ‘, the psychologist analyzes.

Courage, Oedipus and Electra will soon be no more than literary memories!

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