“If we rationalize the romantic relationship, we will lose our humanity”

In her latest book, From Soulmates to Tinder (Editor by LaRose), Eliot Abekasis explores every minute detail of the new generation’s romantic relationship. For her, it is necessary more than anything to restore the magic of love, for humanity to survive. Because love touches the essence of man. And to do so, it will be necessary to thwart the “emotional justification trap” that runs through technology. For Yahoo, Elite Abekasis goes back to the birth of this thinking.

Remember: in 2016, the musical film “La La Land” directed by Damien Chazelle achieved unprecedented success in the dark rooms. The story of a meeting in Los Angeles between Mia, played by Emma Stone and Sebastian, played on screen by Ryan Gosling. In the City of Angels, these two lonely and ambitious souls pursue their dreams while building a romantic relationship. After watching this movie, Elette Abekasis said to herself, “There has been a change in habits” in our communities. the reason ? The ending of the film, which led to a real philosophical reversal, slips into the author’s recent book From Soulmates to Tinder.

video. “Teenagers don’t want a romantic relationship anymore because they say it hurts”

Now one is missing, 10,000 have been found.

Spoiler: At the end of “La La Land,” Mia and Sebastian don’t end up together. What “comes out of the icons” according to Eliot Abekasis. “They’re finally going their own way. And then I said, ‘But there’s really no more romantic comedies these days.'” What is happening in our society? If we compare the end of “La La Land” with that of other “La La Land” romance films in the 1960s, or even earlier in the 2000s, it is true that “happy ending” seems nothing more than an outdated idea. This is exactly what prompted Eliot Abekasis to write her book: “I believe there is a real change, in culture, in civilization, a change in the relationship with love.” I explained to Yahoo. For the author, the androgen myth developed by Plato gradually emerges from popular beliefs. These The myth that in the origin of time we were just one being made up of two beings, separated by two gods. Since then, everyone has been searching for the other half. The famous story of a soul mate.

For Eliot Abekasis, this myth no longer appeals to the masses. Today, the majority seems to adhere to “another myth, which is the myth of personal development. One must find fulfillment in oneself, not in search of another.” You have already heard this sentence on TV or in a discussion among friends: “Before you love someone, you have to love yourself.” According to the author, this change in habits and the relationship to love is undoubtedly the result of a “rise in individuality” and (not so) new communication methods, such as dating apps.

What are the risks of letting the algorithm take care of finding the right person for us? Elite Abekasis explains: “We have a relationship with individuals from all over the world, and this is, from home, from our laptop. And this audience is clearly against the search for a soul mate, the only person we go to connect with. This one is missing. , 10,000 have been found! And that, one evening. Perhaps this multiplication of possibilities and choices kills choice. For too many choices, leads one astray.”

Passion no longer interests teenagers

Exploring all of these changes in norms, Eliot Abekasis makes another observation: “Emotion is perceived in a negative way.” Gone are the fiery statements and turbulent stories depicted in so many films and books. The new generation will be in disapproval of these super romantic symbols, which they now cast a sarcastic, even suspicious look at. To make sure of this, Elite Abekasis submitted a survey to several teens. The result is clear: “They all say they don’t want passion because it hurts, because it doesn’t last. There is a real justification for love.”

These days, many rely on dating apps to find love. Some even go so far as to trust “science” by marrying a blind man on TV shows. Which, after all, makes almost perfect sense given the technological society we live in, and scientific and philosophical progress. For Elit Abekasis, it is possible to combine passion and technology, “which is neither good nor bad”: “We have to succeed in taking back control of technology, in order to restore social relationships and romantic bonds, which can certainly be done through technology. It is not about rejecting it at all.”

“Words of Love” to counter technology

Yes, the result is not negative upon closer examination. “There is a great opportunity in our time, it is the fact that we can write endlessly,” Elette Abekasis assured her. Today, exchange is preferred and above all facilitated. If in the past lovers wooed each other by mail, with all the delays that suggest, today the exchange of love is much more direct. “We can text each other at any time. There is ease in writing. And I believe that love comes through words. There is no love without love words, without love stories, without love legends. Words of love are a way to re-love hymn, cultivating an art Texting ”the author, remembering that “it is important for one to write oneself in love, not just to say it,” believes the author.

These words of love represent, for Eliot Abekasis, “a way to thwart the trap of technological justification, the ability to turn the machine in favor of feeling.” Meeting someone on a dating app is one thing, talking to someone is another. These are the words that will play an important place in a romantic relationship. This is why the author advocates exchange, above all: “What happens is a fundamental issue in our society. Because the romantic relationship is the emotional one par excellence. If we rationalize the romantic relationship, if we let it be the game of the algorithm, we simply lose our humanity. Because love It touches the essence of the human being.”

However, Elite Abekasis is not one of those who would say “it was better before”. On the contrary: “I have no regrets about the previous time. I note our age as a philosopher and I do not regret all the time Jane Austen these heroines filled with the desire for love found themselves in the love market. The troubling thing in the end is that the relationship must not be emptied From feeling and that same feeling under attack by this division, this cognitive flow that we are constantly exposed to. To the point that no one wants to invest or commit emotionally or emotionally in a relationship.”

Article: Sarah Manna

Videos: Carmen Barba

Read also:

>> Dating and stereotypes: “A woman is excited after a date with a desperate woman passes”

>> The French still find it difficult to separate from the patriarchal couple model

>> Elite Abekasis, Postpartum Depression

Leave a Comment