Have children or not, that is the question. If you have doubts and need an absolutely subjective opinion, we are here for you.
If having children can be a life project for a number of us, let me tell you how big nonsense it can be.
Even the biggest bullshit of your life. Yes, he’s cute (at times), cracks jokes (not funny 98% of the time), hugs you and makes you feel like you’ve brought something into the world (it’s not), but in real life, having kids is mostly iech, 3/ 4 of the time.
Having children, advertising a sure failure
Last night, I woke up so sweetly and lovingly at 3 AM to give another lukewarm bottle to a new baby, my eyes glued together from sleep and my legs shivering from fatigue, I asked myself: Why did I decide to inflict this on myself?
Almost immediately, in a flurry of justification, I wanted to calm myself down by telling myself well, that the baby is not easy to manage, but that it will end up getting better as it grows.
So, just to take a leap of hope for the future that awaits me, I thought of my 5-year-old daughter, a cute kid with a verbal flush that could make any rapper pale, and I also immediately remembered his complications and daily nervous attacks generally caused by the simple pronunciation of On my part or on the part of his father to the word “no”.
So, with my few hours of sleep around the clock, I tried to make a mental list of reasons why I should not return my children to the maternity ward for a proper exchange.
Since this list is the size of my self-esteem, I don’t really care. Here is my list of reasons why I say no, having children is the dumbest idea in the world.
5 good reasons not to have children
Put the forks away, I must be in bad faith here. I haven’t had a proper night in 1,825 days (yes, 5 years is 1,825 days, lack of sleep teaches you crazy things), I feel like I smell like baby vomit and dirty diapers, I’ve deflated balloons instead of breasts, double cesarean scar in lower abdomen and moody Melenchon after the first round of the presidential election. Big and big atmosphere.
Here are, for your utmost happiness, the five reasons not to have children. A non-exhaustive list of course, which you can, if you wish, comment and add to as well. You’ll see, it feels so good, it’s even healing as it sounds.
- It prevents sleep. It is not just the beginning, the time that makes her nights famous. No, even after gaining this stage, the child continues to wake up due to tooth growth, diseases, fatigue (yes, it’s weird), sleep regression (yes, it’s already there), nightmares, wetting the bed, the monster under the bed and the mosquito that got stuck in it without prior Warning. In general, you can sleep when he leaves the house, and even then, it’s not safe because it seems like we still worry about him knowing that he’s outside, and that we don’t close his eyes completely. It’s a fact, sleep when you have kids, you have to grieve over it.
- blind cost. No matter how hard we try to find solutions so that the baby does not spoil the pamphlet completely, there is still an extra mouth to feed him. And one mouth means less money. Moreover, if you are wondering how much a baby will cost, you can take a look at our “When We Love, We Count” section.
- Environmentally speaking, it’s not jojo. As with money, we can always be as careful as possible, with used diapers, clothes, toys, tutti quanti and bla-bla-bla, a new human being born, and will consume and pollute, CQFD my poor Lucite.
- Sucks, all the time. Well, no, not all the time either, there are times when having kids can bring some fun, even an ounce of weird happiness, but it’s generally bad. Babies depend on you to eat, drink, heal, sleep, occupy and entertain, clean up vomit a lot, touch feces for years, and answer existential questions like ” Why are trees green ” where ” why do we die “or” Why don’t we eat French fries for breakfast Go and answer it, when you have 3 hours of sleep.
- You have to share with someone else. Obviously, when you have a kid (or even more, when you’re a bit sadistic masochist), you’re no longer your #1 priority. You don’t want to eat his lunch, who wants to poop when it’s 11 p.m. and you’re watching an episode of Outlander in Peace, which he has Its full school day to tell you when you come home from work and all you can think of is laying on the sofa with an intravenous glass of wine. The child believes that you are his, that you are his thing, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, always ready to devote yourself physically and spiritually to his slightest desires. Basically, a child is like right-wing men: they don’t necessarily realize that they are not alone and that the world does not revolve around them.
If you still want to breed after such a small list, then there is nothing I can do for you.
Is my child an idiot?
Photo credit photos for one: Mums and hips