18-30 years old invent new

Husband. masculine name Persons who are married, have a civil partnership, or live in a concubine. Long live the definition of Larousse. The very word “couple” seems outdated.

More and more people between the ages of 18 and 30 – or Generation Y – are freeing themselves from it, creating new forms of romantic relationships, neither together nor really together. Serious and light. Romantic and realistic. In a couple without being in a couple. If great love is still dreaming, then life together gives you cold sweats.

One quote that, in my opinion, sums up very well the relationships of young people today: “We want intensity without risk.” It is impossible”Certified personal and professional development coach, Manon Aunay, analyzes using the words of philosopher Anne Dufourmantelle. “Because of their parents’ relationships, the ‘divorce generation’, they now have a much more difficult time getting engaged, not because deep down they don’t dream about it, but because they are afraid, afraid of locking themselves in a relationship, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of failure, fear of losing their freedom , and fear of divorce … They desire to settle down with passion, freedom in a relationship, to be truly loved without having to give too much … We ask the other what we do not even able to give! »

Love full of contradictions

It ended, then, “They got married, lived happily and had many children,” welcome to the “simultaneous” age of love, where we want everything and its opposite, great love without commitment, happiness without frustration, butterflies in the stomach without a doubt. Faced with these contradictions, each individual creates his own romantic composition, builds his relationship in his own way, away from the symbols dictated by adults. “The stories are serious and light at the same time”, Sociologist Christophe Giroud, professor at Paris Descartes University and researcher at the Center for Research in Social Links (CERLIS) confirms (1).

“We start something with a partner and do not know how it will develop. The model of love at first sight is in question, we do not say that we have been in love for some time. This period can last a long time, which is the time required for a joint experience to know the other and know his feelings “, Christophe Giroud continues, describing these relationships of a new kind as “realistic love.” “Before that was Very simple: there was some kind of evidence. If we were healthy, we turned love into a story, we lived together, we eventually got married. Today it is more complicated. The pairing is very thoughtful and very contractual Sociologist notes. The contract can expire very quickly or, on the contrary, can be renewed. » We are looking for guarantees, proof that we truly care about each other. And at the same time, we swear nothing to one another, neither cohabitation, nor marriage, nor child. No long-term promise, but relational and sexual exclusivity. Not paradoxically, felines of love!

Emotion is more than feeling

“There is a real desire to make a couple, much more than just bringing together relationships,” says Carmen Bramley, 23, writer (2). However, love has become a sacred thing, and we do not agree to give it to the first comer. “My generation believes in love, but maybe in a way of disappointment. We are also in a society that values ​​feelings rather than feeling. There is a refusal to share. In my close circle, for example, no one is in a relationship, and no one really loves. I also heard people say to me ‘I’ve been With this girl for three years, but I don’t like her”, Carmen Bramley says again.

Whose fault is it? For parents and grandparents who are separated and disillusioned with the myth of love forever? To dating apps that encourage consumption and lock in an endless number of choices and an abyss of uncertainty? Has a very tolerant education? For psychoanalyst Fabienne Kraemer (3), these difficulties in sharing and managing frustrations are a consequence of child ownership: “This resulted in the inability to live as a couple. We want to avoid routine, Reduce frustrations, and enjoy unhindered. However, if this is not hindered, the enjoyment of it is less powerful! » One thing is for sure anyway: we want to avoid taking risks. Then we take insurance. “The couple is seen as a business that must be run,” Paul Woodward, 29, is a columnist for Vice. “The boxes must be filled. There is no longer room for doubt. Moreover, today, when someone describes to me the person who met him, I hear more about standards than feelings.”

Safety before romance in the couple

At the time of the emerging state, partners are transformed into human resource development and relationship, into a construction contract. “People under the age of 35 are unstable or do not know where they are going. The couple has not escaped this: so it is necessary to secure it Paul Dawar says. Then we look for someone with whom things will never go wrong. It’s never going to be crazy, but it’s reassuring. How many couples have been together for ten years, no longer making love, but are okay? It’s a bit like when you stay fifty years in the same box because it’s reassuring. A friend of mine told me that he chose someone who reassured him rather than a crazy but risky story. “I choose security”, He said to me. Today, that’s what is needed, an agreement. The romantic partner becomes a mix between a roommate and a best friend. We become hiking buddies. »

For romance, ironing will be necessary! Is Generation Y, then, more unhappy and less satisfied than its elders? Not sure. “Maybe she’s more optimistic than happy.”Carmen Bramley Attempts. Love is not dead!Manon reassures Unai.

It only manifests itself in different forms. There are indeed “real husbands”, people who are ready to commit, go a long way, to live together and have a family. It is still the desire of many young people who perhaps will later allow it or who, despite the development of society, take the step, dare to open up, dare to trust and dare to love themselves. »

(1) author Realistic love, the new love experience for young women (Armand Cullen, 320 pages).

(2) His last novel. shock wave (J.C. Lattes, 220 pages).

(3) author Solo / No Solo, Any Future for Love? (PUF, 240 pages).

Illustration: Natasha Paschal

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