Polyamory: Mom and polygamous, they attest

What is polygon?

From the ancient Greek ‘poly’ and the Latin ‘amor’ meaning respectively ‘many’ and ‘love’, polygamy by definition Multiple romantic and physical relationships. As early as 1816, the French philosopher Charles Fourier put forth the theory of what he called “multiple love” in a work entitled new world of love. Today, there are a large number of relational and sexual orientations calling for recognition in society, among themIt is polygamy. However, polygon remains ideal for each person and is experienced differently depending on the people involved.

For Kibizu, 38: “TheAnd Polygamy is the possibility of non-exclusive and group relationships in different aspects, romantic and sexual … Of course, all Participants in the polycule (in the organization) agree for this system.

Claire, 29, sees polygamy.”The possibility of loving multiple people at the same time. For me, a polygamous relationship is having multiple romantic partners with or without a hierarchy.

Late discovery of polygamy

The two young women discovered polygamy late, as a result of their previous personal experiences and their rejection of monogamy, which is synonymous with them with emotional discomfort:

When I was young, I witnessed an argument between my parents. My father suffered from confinement in a married couple and had extramarital affairs while my mother was saddened by my father’s lies but wanted him to belong to her. Since my teens, I’ve had periods with boys I liked, but didn’t want relationships and who I had no problem with being “sexual friends”. Morally and emotionally, I didn’t mind being in love, without being in a relationship. After that, there were times when I lived with a traditional couple even though I didn’t live with my friends. After that, I went through a period of 10 years of monogamy where I lived with my ex and with whom I had my two children. We were not married. When I was in a monogamous relationship, I was afraid my partner would cheat on me. So I decided to talk to him about it, and told him that I don’t trust him and that I don’t believe in lifelong love. Then I offered to let him go when we lived together and had kids. At the time I had no opinions about anyone. He rejected the idea, and replied that it was not his vision of love. I respected his request for exclusivity until the end and when we broke up, I came across an article on polygamy.

So, when I started having relationships again, the relationships were free, mindless sexual friends because I was having a hard time recovering from the breakup. Then I began to have feelings for one of my partners, he was divorced and agreed on the principle of non-exclusivity. No problem for three and a half years. Today, I have other relationships and he too, each one making his own life” Kibezu testifies.

I had a lot Monogamous relationships that don’t work for meSoon, I felt trapped. I first heard about polygamy 5 years ago. In fact, I saw some old friends, with whom I’ve become very close since then, telling me they exist case of polygamy. It clicked at that moment, I recognized myself in it instantly. I understood that there is not only one way to be in a romantic relationship. After that, I often remained celibate because I no longer wanted to be in a monogamous relationship and had trouble finding partners who agreed to be polygamous. Today, I have been in a polygamous relationship for 5 months. When we met, I had no other partners but just a sexual friend and met someone else, now to see if it would develop into a marital relationship between them. For my part, I’m back on a dating app where I sympathized with a few people without it leading to relationships.. Claire says.

Kibizu, mother of a 9-year-old girl and a four-year-old boy, must juggle her motherly life with her many romantic partners. She especially encountered the feelings of her daughter, whom she introduced to a monogamy while witnessing her transition to polygamy:

Today, I have a romantic partner that I have known for three and a half years, with whom I have a long-distance relationship from Prague, where I am an expat. I have another one I’ve been with for 6 months and another for 2 months. When I separated from their father, my daughter was 6 years old and my son was 11 months old. My young son never knew me as a single wife while my daughter introduced me to her father. For my son, it came naturally, little by little. Regarding my daughter, when she separated from her father, she began to ask me about the definition of a married couple. I did not read the article about polygamy.

Then I gave him my introduction to the couple: It was about two people in love, Who do you want to be together, she replied: “Two and why not three?”. For her, she would have had many lovers because the kids are still resilient at this age. Then the week she broke up with her father and walked out of the house, my daughter said to me, “You know mom, I’m sad because dad, you and my little brother don’t live anymore. They’re all together but I want you to be happy.” Her words touched me, she was only six years old and she was able to tell me so.

When I started having multiple partners, I didn’t want to hide anything from my kids, because they hate lies and so do I. Moreover, if I lied, I thought they would hate me, which frightened me. Therefore, I told them this way: “You know, my mother has three lovers,” and they accepted it naturally. Upon separation, my daughter asked me if she could not have ten fathers because she did not want to have only one father, she was already questioning the traditional biological family. She asked me if my French partner could not be like her father. Today, she regularly asks me about the news. Also, she chose a friend of mine as her other father.

For Claire, the situation is somewhat different. A mother to a one-and-a-half year old boy, her child was still very young when she took her first steps into polygamy. However, the young mother does not worry about the future and even aspires to a perfect family with her son and other potential partners:

I don’t live with my romantic partner, we see each other every two or three weeks. When he’s there, he takes care of my son, taking charge when I’m tired. Right now, my son is still too young for this kind of thing, but I’m not worried about the future when he’s old enough to understand. I’m personally attracted to someone regardless of their gender, so I’ll explain to them All forms of love without distinction. If I have other partners, I don’t want any hierarchy between them, no one will be more “father” to my child than another. My son will naturally interact with everyone equally. For example, in the future, I do not mind doing activities with all my beloved partners and my child, so that we are like family. My only concern would be planning to find time to see them all as well as my baby to raise. “

And life with the children of other romantic partners?

When polygamy knocks on your door, it is not impossible that your partners also have dependent children. However, two mothers do not see any limitation, quite the contrary:

children The one I know better than my French partner. I know one of his sons over twenty, so the educational aspect is different from younger children. He also has two daughters whom I have seen several times, but they mainly live with their mother. My kids and his kids have already played together, and it went really well!Kibizu says.

My primary partner does not want to get pregnant. In the long run, depending on relationships with others if they have children, I’m not against the idea of ​​my son being around them. My only condition is to meet the parents first, and then, if the current works, to include the children there.Claire says.

Relatives and polygamy

For some people, having different relational and sexual orientations is a matter of anxiety, and they have to deal with a lack of understanding and judgment from loved ones. Kibizu found the hard way when she told her parents the news:

The people around me are of course aware of this situation. My parents find it hard to understand my conception of love. On the one hand, my father attacks me about it, he doesn’t really like me to talk about it even if I can mention him from time to time. On the other hand, with my mother, it is a disaster … Throughout her life she has never ceased to criticize my father and wished to meet a prince charming. She took my breakup from my ex so badly, my transition into polygamy, and made me say it wasn’t love, which made me so unhappy. Today, you should know, I’m madly in love with my partner who I’ve been with for three and a half years! see knowledge A lecture to me about my perception of love hurts me strongly.

However, her daughter can count on her friends forgiving far away regarding her mother’s love life:

Regarding school, my daughter wants it to be confidential and doesn’t want to talk about it to her friends or classmates. As for the anecdote, one of her school friends came to sleep a few times at home to attend a pajama party at home. The first time one of my partners and the second saw a different partner, but she never mentioned it to my daughter after that. As for the dangers of joking, we’ve discussed them together and are ready to deal with them!You know, being a worker with kids in after-school activities, I’ve learned by working with them that kids are more adaptable and open-minded than adults. Although I don’t know my private life, Children talk about many love stories ! “

Claire praises the open-minded and tender people around her: “I am very close to my brothers and sisters, we have always been free to talk about our lives. My loved ones want nothing but my happiness. Most of them are interested in how I work, and ask me questions about polygamy and how I feel. I knew none of them would judge me. As for my son, they know that this is my priority and that if I have a romantic relationship with someone, that person will have to deal with that. These are discussions I have at the beginning of every relationship to lay the foundations and that everyone is on the same wavelength.. “

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