behind the door | Bisexual Secrets

Journalism It offers you a weekly testimonial that aims to explain what is really happening behind the bedroom door, in privacy, away from stats and standards. Today: Caroline*, 44 years old

Posted at 4:00 pm.

Silvia Gallebo

Silvia Gallebo
Journalism

No, it’s not because we like girls and boys are necessarily unstable. Caroline expresses confidence in putting an end to the “plugins” being heard or felt.

And she has a lot to say. For a good two hours, in a virtual interview, forty-year-old red-haired Charlevoix tells us her life story, from her first explorations to today, including her tumultuous relationship with labels. Because no, being bisexual isn’t necessarily well visible in the gay community, let’s say. We will get to that.

“Very quickly, I got curious, and wanted to try,” she says. I did my first explorations with a friend. »

It was somewhere in my early teens. “It wasn’t annoying,” but nothing more. However, she has confronted her enough to ask herself: “Am I a lesbian?” Then this page flew (closed?) without talking about it again.

Then Caroline chained the lovers (“I was a gang beast”), and continued to “explore” with them. “The longer you go, the more fun you have. […] I don’t remember at what age I reached orgasm, maybe 17 or 18? It was with her boyfriend at the time, a guy she “madly” liked by the way.

“And it was with him that I was most pleased. […] Maybe because there are feelings? »

In her early twenties, she met her “husband” with whom she spent seven years. “It was lovable. It was satisfying, and I had an orgasm almost every time,” she says. But we guess from his tone that something was wrong. “I’ve never had butterflies,” she asserts. I didn’t love him as much as I like to love him. I questioned myself a lot. »

At the same time, a colleague at that time, a woman, had an influence on him really, not almost. “But what is this? I wondered.

It tormented me: I was in a relationship, and we were planning to get married. For me, he was the father of my children!

Carolina

After doing a simple Internet search to put this “torture” into words later, Caroline came to the conclusion: “Obviously, I’m bisexual!”

She ends up dropping a note to her husband and he (surprise!) supports her: “If you need that in your life, I’m willing to accept it. But you have to try yourself. Basically: If you think you’re bisexual, explore this aspect, I accept you for who you are. .

Except here: Exploration was a revelation. “I really liked it,” she says with a smile. I just wanted to start over! I didn’t have a dull joint, but I really liked the smoothness. This listen. Anyway, there was chemistry. »

And what should have happened: on the contrary, she began to not want her husband very much, and one thing leads to another, they ended up breaking up. We understand that this case is torn apart. “I really didn’t want to hurt him,” she says. It was really hard…”

And the girl? They clung: their relationship lasted four years. “I learned a lot with her,” said Caroline, smiling again. I discovered myself sexually. Their greatest asset? Without hesitation, she answers: “Communication.” “We communicated a lot really.”

Hence his conclusion, and OutAt the time: “I thought a lot and had a clear preference for sex with women. I’m not bad with men. But sexually, I’m better with women…”

But in their early thirties, their relationship came to a halt: a new heartache. Caroline left for Paris to “heal her wounds”. There, she fell in love with a French woman. Their relationship lasted another six years. “And I was madly in love…”

Sure, but not so sexually, oddly enough. “At first, yes, but the routine came very quickly. And the communication wasn’t really there. It was more difficult. Like what difficulties on the field they don’t have sex. She can attest to this: ‘Ah no, honestly no…'”

It must be said that the couple went through their share of hardships (think: bereavement, a difficult failure of fertility treatment, etc), and in her mid-30s, Caroline found herself once again with a “big heartbreak”.

This was followed by some short adventures and other encounters here and there with girls who are often unstable, lack commitment, and all ended poorly (even in a “disastrous” way). So much so that Caroline had had enough of it.

It does not work with women! I’m starting to think it was too complicated…

Carolina

It is complicated because it is emotionally fast, very emotional.

Braces: Caroline, at this very moment in the interview, told us that around this time she was also starting to get “bored” of the labels. “I’ve always said I’m a lesbian, fall in love. Being bi, it’s not well seen…” Hasn’t it been well seen? How many times have I heard it in the gay community, that person: “I, I couldn’t go out with a bi. She doesn’t expand on the topic, but we understand that she is so silent. Because she knows: ‘If I’m also attracted to men, should I identify as bi’? ? But I know things are not going well. » end brackets.

Amid questioning of identity (sick?), Caroline thus begins to “re-flash” the men. That was right before the pandemic. “I wanted to try, but it seemed like I was a bit scared! Fear of a bad experience! I’ve spent 15 years without!”

Finally, I dared. dropped. And do not regret. Away from this. “So it’s really fun!” I realized, after an adventure (or two? We lost the thread) “pleasant,” “satisfying,” in short, satisfying, on the part of men.

Above all: it wasn’t as complicated as his previous relationships with women.

She affirms: “I like simplicity with a man. I think it is less emotional.”

So here it is today. Single and “open to both,” she says, “I desire a stable relationship. With a man. Or a woman. But I don’t see myself with a man anymore.” […] It looks like I’m here. »

But no, that doesn’t mean it’s “unstable”. Or it has had a “connection” problem yet. Moreover, why should we communicate completely?

“To be bisexual, you think, is to be sexually attracted, to be able to fall in love, to be able to maintain a relationship with a man or a woman. No more and no less for sure.

*First name is fictitious to maintain anonymity

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