After 10 years of union, things are no longer the same as before. The honeymoon period is over and some couples are experiencing marital problems. Don’t panic! Specialists explained to Huffington Post American issues often faced by the spouses and even offers them solutions to solve them.
Couple or roommates?
After 10 years of marriage, it’s normal to make efforts to keep the flame up, and sometimes some people get the impression that their relationship is more about cohabitation than romance. “After 10 years together, [cela] It becomes a great danger because the spouses, who are taken up by the daily management, can gradually stop focusing on each other. Their union can easily turn into a joint life or family, rather than a romantic relationship. ” Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in men’s training, explains. Therefore, it is necessary for the spouses to remain attentive to each other and to maintain their bond. For example, by organizing rituals (an evening together regularly, for example), small attention, and sometimes resorting to marital therapy.
Inevitably any relationship knows moments of calm, and that’s normal. Not everything can be rosy all the time! However, you should not succumb to the boredom that both partners sometimes feel, warns psychotherapist Tina Tessina. Perhaps your activities have become too routine, or there is a problem between the two of you that you refuse to face. To combat this boring aspect, take the necessary risks – for example by initiating a difficult discussion about your sex life, your relatives or past years, or by daring to suggest a change in your daily life”, she explained. If you choose the second solution, “Just do different things. It doesn’t matter what, as long as it’s a little freshness to share.”
Sex life is less intense
The intimate life of the spouses is subject to many ups and downs: a physical or psychological problem, stresses, tensions between spouses, the arrival of a child, etc. Again, this is all normal. But sexologists advise making efforts to improve things, so that the periods of deterioration are not prolonged, which can create a feeling of rejection and alienation between the spouses. Specialists then recommend approaching the topic, even if it is difficult. There are other solutions, such as sleeping at the same time, physical contact (hugs, kisses…) outside the bedroom, etc. The important thing is to do things smoothly and at your own pace.
You have the impression that your relationship is preventing you from achieving certain dreams
As a couple, you have to haggle. Everything is not about you, it is also about your soulmate and your children if you decide to have any of them. “Initially, as they build their relationship and family, many couples mourn their dreams to say maintain stability. But 10 years later, they realize that calling is still very much there.”Carrie Carroll explains. Then a marriage therapist advises “Finding a path that allows both spouses to achieve greater fulfillment”.
You find it hard to bear yourself
At the beginning of a relationship, everyone is more accommodating. When your partner makes a mistake or upsets you, you forgive them more easily. But, over time, patience and the ability to turn the page are no longer available to the same extent, and the little things become mountains. “At the beginning of marriage, you can be very understanding, because mutual love erases flaws and failures. But unfortunately, this mutual tolerance can fade with maturity”Kurt Smith decoding. Then he recommends not to forget that you and your spouse are allies, not adversaries. When he does something you don’t like, don’t think he did it badly. Believe he did his best and I hope he will do the same for you.
You don’t celebrate special occasions anymore
Long months of relationship, difficult weekend … At first, everything seems to give way to organizing a celebration. But over time, this habit was lost. “As you did at your own wedding, major promotions, and your children’s birthdays or graduations, you and your spouse should continue to celebrate your love during your journey together.They always dedicate a lot of energy and motivation to it. Sharing many festive occasions shows all the affection and appreciation we have for one another. Go away together for the weekend, to celebrate a certain event or the simple joy of always being together. Plan a special evening, at home or at a restaurant, go to a concert, or visit a theme park. The bottom line is that living together for a long time does not prevent you from indulging in romantic dates ”Tina Tessina explains.
There is no more rash
As we age, stress builds up, we pay more attention to others, we no longer marvel at everything, we have less sense of humor … In short, the neglect has disappeared. However, it is important that the complicity of the spouses remains absurd from time to time, as Tina Tessina explains. “Get rid of your fear of being deceived. Throw yourself a plate of Frisbee, enjoy blowing soap bubbles, sit on a hammock in the garden and engage in fierce duels in Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit. Unless you’d rather read each other’s jokes and funny stories”as you say.
Anxiety about becoming a homeowner
After 10 years, many couples have achieved financial stability and are considering buying their home. If becoming a landlord is a symbol of success, it can also be a source of pressure within the couple, believes Carrie Carroll. Weekends consisting of breakfasts, lunches, and picnics are often spent building a patio or mowing the lawn. To find a balance between the need to devote oneself to one’s real estate projects and family life and the relationship to be maintained, one must be well organized and know how to work in a team.“as you say.
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